What IF instead of obsessing about our "flaws," we find them cute....endearing....love-able? What IF they were our signature instead of our shame? What IF we played up our differences and decided we loved ourselves BECAUSE of them, not in spite of them. If you will notice, I am putting the word "flaws" into quotation marks because I think we need to redefine them. I don't know what to call them but I think the word "flaw" has a negative spin on it. Unique and beautiful feature is nice...I don't know.
This is part of a paradigm shift going on with me. Sometime back in the summer, I started developing a different focus in regards to body image. I started following some great blogs about this very topic. One of the first was Rosie Molinary and another favorite is Medicinal Marzipan. This is coupled with my new found love of Brene Brown. I had dinner with a friend recently and said Brené has become like a rock star to me. I am reading everything I can get my hands on that she has penned, watching You Tube videos of her, and dreaming of how I can become Connections Certified (being a counselor I feel this would be an amazing addition to my credentials....just gotta come up with the funding for the process). But Ms. Brown's message is about living wholeheartedly...living authentically...ditching the desire to be perfect and embrace that imperfection, embrace our vulnerabilities.
So I'm curvy. Curvy can be beautiful. What if I decided to love myself BECAUSE I am curvy?
So I have stringy hair. Stringy hair has a natural beauty to it. What if I love my stringy hair?
So I have imperfect skin. What if I embraced every spot, scar, pimple, and stretch mark? What if I decided THESE were the things that make me lovely?
So I have a quirky sense of humor that not everyone appreciates or even understands that I was making a joke. What if I decide this is endearing?
So my house can be messy and I can ignore it and curl up with a book or movie and totally overlook the mess. What if I decide this is makes me peaceful and unique?
So every step closer I get to figuring myself out, the more I find I have to figure out...but I don't run from it, I take a deep breath and walk barefoot through the brokenness to figure out more. I DON'T see this as a flaw at all. I see this as one of my greatest attributes. The messier I seem, the more thrilled I am to learn about myself... The more broken I notice I am, the more excited I become... I feel like I am a patchwork quilt and as I put the pieces together and fit them into different parts of the quilt....I KNOW the completed project will be worth so much and hold within it the most inherent beauty. Personally, I really like the quilts that are put together from scraps and have no distinguishable pattern... I can run my hand across the stitches and FEEL the history and time and love and pain! But in the end, the scraps make a beautiful quilt, unlike any other quilt....difficult, if not impossible, to replicate...
What so called flaws do you have that you are trying to embrace as fabulous? Or maybe you already have...
(In February, I participated in a book club hosted here. Since my rock star has another book, I Thought it was Just Me, which had a read along back in 2009....I would really like to revisit this read along and kinda participate ex post facto. Anyone want to come along? I might be fun to read together and re-read her posts from 2009, adding our own thoughts!)
Also, I am linking up over at Blogelina for a 100 blog comment event!
I have always had difficulties with my body image after having kids. I am generously curvy now, and not too proud of it. Thanks so much for the encouragement to look at it from a fabulous, instead of frightening thing.
ReplyDeleteWow I Love this post and it had me stop and think about the things I do not like about myself and no I know it is Ok just to be me. So Thank you.
ReplyDeleteWhat a refreshing view!
ReplyDeleteI agree that we can choose to celebrate what we have or live with the unrest of self-criticism.
ReplyDeleteI have a friend who recently almost lost her life and then her left leg due to a terrible accident... well, you can be sure she appreciates that flawed leg now. And you can be sure that the whole incident put life and limbs into perspective for her friends, too. We are grateful for her life, for our own, and for our limbs, no matter how imperfect.
Suz.
http://www.shinybutter.com
Perspective makes a huge difference!
DeleteThis is an awesome post. I am so guilty of hating my "flaws" so much that I miss the beauty in them. Thanks for the reminder!
ReplyDeletewe need to stop the hate....me included! Thanks!!!
DeleteThis, " I feel like I am a patchwork quilt and as I put the pieces together and fit them into different parts of the quilt....I KNOW the completed project will be worth so much and hold within it the most inherent beauty" was my favorite line from your post.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much!
DeleteI still have harsh body issues after having the kids, and my hair is going all wiry like my mothers did. Perfection is impossible... thus why i called my blog Mumfection instead lol!!
ReplyDeleteWhen we notice harshness, we can respond with gentleness...
DeleteI have decided to embrace my curvyness as well!
ReplyDeleteI keep starting diets, butI am too busy and addicted to sugar to keep them going.
I am glad I like WHO I am - I just need to work on what I look like!
:)
Lisa
I love this post. I am a young mom, and before having my son, I could easily wear a size 0 jeans and I was so proud of that. I wasn't super skinny, but I was well proportioned. After gaining too much weight while pregnant, and losing most of it since he's been born, I still am nowhere near my old size, and I don't think I'll ever be.
ReplyDeleteIt's been a daily struggle for me, but your post puts it into a different perspective for me, so thank you.
SO true....and the picture of the cat is adorable!
ReplyDeleteShe is a sweet kitty :)
DeleteWhat a great idea - embrace the little differences.
ReplyDeleteMy cat is a noisy sleeper, too. He has allergies.
So true. Of course, like everyone else, I find some parts of my bode could be better. However, I'm im love with happiness. And since you can't be happy if you focus on what you don't like, I choose to focus on what I love on my body! Makes me happy.
ReplyDeleteThat's so good to hear....focusing on what you love!
DeleteThis is such an excellent post and a good reminder to all of us to cut ourselves some slack. I'm neurotic about certain things, and I totally know it, but I think of it as something that makes me, well, me and not something to be ashamed of.
ReplyDeleteDon't think shame helps anything...just be you....that's pretty good!
DeleteYou have such an interesting take on things-really liked reading your post.
ReplyDeleteWhat an interesting post. I've had body image issues all my life my daughter often tells me to relax and enjoy life!
ReplyDeleteEven aside from body images, that is a great way of looking at our little quirks. I have quite a few myself. I laugh and start talking or babbling when I'm nervous. I've never liked that but I know others think it's cute. Thank you for the post!
ReplyDeleteThanks for posting this!! I don't know if I could have because I am very self-conscience and feel like you do. Thanks for showing me I am not alone.
ReplyDeleteMy pleasure...it takes courage but it builds strength!
DeleteGreat post! I wish we all had your perspective, especially our daughters. I am really trying hard to work on that with my girls. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteSo true!
DeleteVery good post. Wouldn't it be awesome if we could live our lives this way? And look at each event that takes place in our lives as opportunities, even when it hurts so bad we don't want to go on. I am endeavoring to experience it all, feel it all, and that is a chore and a journey. Thanks for helping me reflect on that today.
ReplyDeleteI love this, and would really love to pass on a fantastic, healthy body image to my daughter. Starts with me, though, right?
ReplyDeleteIt's so funny- we are headed to Mexico in a couple weeks and I have been obsessively working out, trying to make sure I can rock a two piece that I wore before I had my first (he's almost 4 now). Maybeit's time to tone it down a bit??? :)
Yes! We're not flawed at all. We're just fabulously unique. Pet that sweet kitty for me. Maybe it'll bring out that awesome sound in celebration! So appreciate your wise words and willingness to share your journey!
ReplyDeleteThank you....she really is a sweet kitty...
DeleteI agree that this is a much better way to look at your "flaws" than the more common negative way. Seeing that they make you unique and lovely make them less unappealing.
ReplyDeleteWe are indeed all created unique and beautiful! It's a great challenge to appreciate the differences we see in others - and the "flaws" we see in ourselves. I love when I am seeing clearly enough to take my focus off of the things I don't need to change (b/c there's nothing wrong with them!) and focus on improving the things that matter!
ReplyDeleteWe are indeed!
DeleteI to have had difficulty with my body image. I like your attitude of embracing your "flaws" That's great!
ReplyDeleteWell according to my husband, I "ain't got a lick o sense" but it seems he loves me anyway so I guess no flaws here. :D
ReplyDeleteI try to remember that God made me like this and He doesn't make mistakes! :)
ReplyDeleteThis is a wonderful post, and I know as a woman this hits home for so many of us. I struggle with a lot of body image issues, but I am working on loving them as well. Honestly, it doesn't matter what others think in the thick of things. We are our worst critics...so I should work on being kinder to myself :)
ReplyDeleteClarissa D
I think we'd be surprised that others don't think about us much at all...if they do, it is often a reflection back on themselves and their insecurity. We need to love ourselves, then love each other....combat the negative and the hate :(
DeleteGreat post! If we could instill being ok with ourselves just as we are from a young age, many of our difficulties could be avoided. Thanks for this important reminder that we are not perfect, and that is fine.
ReplyDeletePrintable Decor
Saved By Love Creations
I like to think that the older we get the more we learn to embrace our quirks. It's what makes us unique.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely!
DeleteI wish I could embrace my flaws. Like my billion stretch marks and all. I need to work on that! Very inspiring!!
ReplyDeleteIt is hard at times, but we can keep moving forward....thanks!
DeleteI absolutely love your post! I love the idea of all of us loving our differences and enjoying them instead of being upset about them.
ReplyDeleteThis is something I am slowly learning as well. My 12 year old daughter has for several years embraced her uniqueness. I love that she wears crazy socks (& is the only one at her school that does). I love that she can laugh at herself- she once blurted out to friends that she was part waffle. She loves that they all say she is a waffle now. She runs on these unique characteristics in herself and I love her for it!
Love it!!! So cute!
DeleteMy favorite part, " I feel like I am a patchwork quilt and as I put the pieces together and fit them into different parts of the quilt....I KNOW the completed project will be worth so much and hold within it the most inherent beauty"
ReplyDeleteGreat post. It reminds me of something that happened a few days ago. My husband and I went to a basketball game. Afterwards, I thought he was teasing me about the way I cheered at the game, reenacting me saying "Come on, get a 3!" I was about to be put off but he added "It was cute!" I think you can choose to be annoyed with yourself or you can choose to embrace it. Thanks for reminding me of this and getting me thinking this morning.
So true! It makes a big difference how we choose to look at things!
DeleteNice post. There are so many very high standards to live up to and it's exhausting. Thanks for the encouragement to open our minds up to something new and different.
ReplyDeleteExhausting indeed! Relaxing those standards is such a good idea....
DeleteI'm obstinate, determined, and a bit moody. It makes a great business woman!
ReplyDelete=0)
DeleteI am definitely having difficulties with my body image post-baby and with a recent tragedy in my family, I have put on more weight. I need to work on the way I see myself. Thank you for this inspiration!
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you are beautiful! ((hugs))
DeleteGREAT POST and so so true!! We have to learn to love who we are or life will be pretty darn miserable.
ReplyDeleteMiserable is not good!!! Thanks!
DeleteCurves are definitely beautiful! I also think "fluffy" moms and grandmas are more huggable. :-) Great post on body acceptance, thanks for sharing with us your thoughts.
ReplyDeleteTrue! I think there have even been studies where the kids chose the caregivers with more "fluff" to comfort them at daycare facilities!
DeleteGod doesn't make mistakes with any of us!
ReplyDeleteHmmm...are you saying I should embrace the dark circles under my eyes...maybe they give me character. Maybe?!?! But I will still try every cream and potion to get rid of them.
ReplyDeleteI loved your post though and it really makes a great point...more to think about!
Wendy
Around My Family Table
:) Maybe, but each step is up to you....thanks!
DeleteGreat food for thought! Seems I am quirky from head to toe, I am totally all for this philosophy! Ha! Thanks so much for sharing!
ReplyDeletesuzy
Quirky is fun and cool!
DeleteWe here ourselves more than anyone else. If all our thoughts about ourselves are negative then that is what we will believe to be true.
ReplyDeleteYears ago I forced myself to quit telling myself negative things and this has made a huge difference.
I wouldn't let a complete stranger (or even a close friend) tell me I wasn't good enough so why would I tell myself that?
It isn't always easy but it does work!
Great mindset...could be applied to just about everything in life!
ReplyDeleteLove this! It's too bad that more people don't think like this!
ReplyDeleteGood post,I have always loved myself cause that's what I was taught. Now that I'm older, I really don't give a hoot. I know, I could loose a couple of pounds but what the heck.If I didn't like myself, I would be the most depressed person walking the earch
ReplyDeleteAs I think all of us girls do, I see someone who looks more beautiful than me, more stylish, better hair style, nicer smile... and I wish I looked like that. I think it comes down to realizing God created us each unique with special characteristics (and actually wrote a children's story along that line).
ReplyDeleteThanks for posting this. I think it is important to remember these things. We shouldn't be comparing ourselves to something others think is beautiful. Embrace our own beauty!
ReplyDeleteEnjoy your weekend!
Oh, such good points! Women are so down on themselves (myself included) and it's not good - for us or our children! Thanks for the reminder!
ReplyDeleteIsn't it great being me!! God created us all uniquely and I love to see such diversity every where I go. If we were all alike just think how boring that would be. He had a great plan and we were the drawing board. Have a beautiful day!!
ReplyDeleteVery encouraging post! I have come to terms with my flaws over the past couple of years. I now am comfortable and confident in being me.
ReplyDeleteI hate the moles that bulging in my face added with unsightly pimples. But I am trying to embrace it.
ReplyDeleteI love how you have turned our flaws upside down. I am definitely trying to own my curves and my very thin hair. Especially the hair thing. It's not all that fabulous but I'm working on owning it. (and maybe one day, a wig too!)
ReplyDeletei try not to give a hoot about what people may think of my ever growing weight size. i try not to be bothered about self image these days. thank you for your honest and very well written post
ReplyDeleteGood points. It is important to not criticize ourselves or other people for what we think is wrong with them. If one of us were "perfect", we wouldn't be able to find any friends!
ReplyDeleteOh it takes a lot of maturity on our part to accept our own flaws. Strange how we'll quite easily accept those of someone else. I had no problems accepting my height (not quite 5 feet!) but my weight has been a struggle for me to accept. I'm glad to say that I'm working on my image of myself and getting better all the time. Love your post!
ReplyDeleteOh it takes a lot of maturity on our part to accept our own flaws. Strange how we'll quite easily accept those of someone else. I had no problems accepting my height (not quite 5 feet!) but my weight has been a struggle for me to accept. I'm glad to say that I'm working on my image of myself and getting better all the time. Love your post!
ReplyDeleteI think you described me in that post! lol I can totally relate to you and I commend you for embracing your flaws. I LOVE the quilt analogy. I have a tattered old quilt that I found in the back of my grandmother's closet after she passed away that I think is the most beautiful object that I own!
ReplyDeletebody image is so difficult- its good to embrace and accept our bodies- for good and bad- i have had 3 c sections and even if/when i lose all the extra weight i'll always have those scars. but without those scars, i wouldn't have my kids. in an odd way, i'm proud of them
ReplyDeleteThis is refreshing! I'm going to practice, ok? Pimples, I LOVE you. Hmmm....I need more practice. :)
ReplyDeleteAfter many children my body has taken a turn for worse. I look at myself and think, "YUCK" but then I remember than those stretchmarks, that "lower acre spread"...they are all reminders that my body is beautiful. It grew babies and brought them to me. And that is cause for celebration of my fabulously flawed body!
ReplyDeleteI'm finally at a point in my life where I am happy with my body, so I don't have to work so hard on the physical stuff, but accepting my personality is a little harder. Part of it is 11 years with a man who found fault with everything. I never felt like it was safe to be myself. That one is taking a lot of work.
ReplyDeleteI love your perspective! I have quite a few "flaws" but I know that some of it is the way God made me and some of it is from me not taking care of myself.
ReplyDeleteSome days it is easier than others to embrace my "flaws". But it is definitely something I am working on. If I can't love myself, why should anyone else?
ReplyDeleteThis is such a beautiful, thoughtful post - thank you! I really needed this reminder, and will take it as a personal challenge. So glad you shared this!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful POST! I think most women have issue issues due to the current media campaign as to what is beautiful and what is not. The whole "Who wore it best" or "what's hot and what't not" or the fact that they can photoshop every person to make them look "Perfect" when in fact that perfect look doesn't even exist in the first place. Yet, we are all ingrained to believe that that is beauty and if you don't look like that, you aren't beautiful! This is something I struggle with myself, but something I am working on, so I really appreciate your article on this topic!
ReplyDeleteI love your perspective and honesty. We should all embrace what we have. Thanks for the encouragement.
ReplyDeleteGreat post! We're usually our own worst critic, and we all need to learn to love ourselves!
ReplyDeleteBrenda - www.busymomonthego.com
ReplyDeleteBody image is so hard because we are constantly viewing perfect people on TV, Magazines, Commmercials, Billboards etc. I know most people do not look perfect, but I think that is what makes people more self conscience.
oh body image...sigh...I am working on finally feeling good about myself again , my son is almost 3 and i'm finally losing the weight...but i've tried to dress my curves the last couple of years
ReplyDeleteI used to worry but I know that God made me the way I am. I make sure to take care of my self though. I am glad that I lost 30 last year. Still need to lose almost 20 but I'm happy with where I'm at and how I look.
ReplyDeleteNice post! Being "flawed" - says who? :-) If you surround yourself with people who are equally "flawed" then you're suddenly considered normal. Isn't that odd?
ReplyDeleteJudith of http://leeswammes.wordpress.com
Wow, I guess it would really depend on your "flaw". Sometimes I hear people excusing themselves "I can't help it, that's just the way I am" when they are being rude or gruff. When it comes to body image, I do agree we have to learn to love those parts of ourselves that we hate. Moms should look at those stretch marks with pride for the work her body did to grow her child and bring it safely into the world. I tend to think of my belly fat as being "fluffy" instead of hating it. Good post.
ReplyDeleteI like the sentiment, but I don't think we should let the idea that our imperfections should stop us from growing or changing (or maybe I missed the point). For example, I am just as able to read and skip my cleaning, too. Maybe this makes me peaceful and unique, but at a point, this becomes too much. I guess my point is that we all need balance. Imperfections should be enjoyed but not allowed to take over.
ReplyDeleteBody image is, of course, important for overall health. The secret is to keep it all in perspective and work within a sane and sensible perameter...
ReplyDeleteThanks for the thought-provoking post. On the one hand, I agree that we shouldn't dislike ourselves because of our faults. On the other hand, noticing faults or weaknesses that we don't like can provide motivation to change in those areas.
ReplyDelete-Viva recently posted Homemade Pizza Dough
I am doing my best to remind myself that I am beautiful just the way I am - curvy and all :)
ReplyDeleteWhat a great attitude to have. It is so easy for me to compare myself to others. Then I have to remind myself that they too have things they don't like, or issues they are going through. Thanks for the uplifting post.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great attitude to have. It is so easy for me to compare myself to others. Then I have to remind myself that they too have things they don't like, or issues they are going through. Thanks for the uplifting post.
ReplyDeleteThis is one of my favorite blog posts ever! Thanks for sharing your insights on "flaws". I totally agree with you about embracing those parts of who we are that are not exactly what we or others think are perfect.
ReplyDeleteThis is one of my favorite blog posts ever! Thanks for sharing your insights on "flaws". I totally agree with you about embracing those parts of who we are that are not exactly what we or others think are perfect.
ReplyDeleteI'm the idea girl. I always get great ideas. The problem is that the follow through girl forgets to show up :-)
ReplyDeleteI love the imperfect things in people and life. If we were perfect it would be kind of boring.
ReplyDeleteEasy2Save
What a positive, lovely post to read!
ReplyDeleteI've always been drawn to the unique, interesting details that make people who they are.
I take it as a compliment when I do something ridiculous and my man shakes his head and says "there is no one quite like you!"
Embrace what makes you unique!
Good for you embracing who you are and not being influenced by others !
ReplyDeleteLove it! When we see flaws as quirks, then we can be the unique individuals we are. Who wants to be a cookie cutter image of something anyway? I'm going to check out your links when I get done reading all the commentathon blogs.
ReplyDeleteI'm currently working on being okay with not being confrontational. People want me to fight more, but I think that being able to walk away has its own merits.
ReplyDeleteGreat post! I've long had body image issues, but I've come a long way towards working on changing them. I think that accepting our "problems" makes it easier to change them (ie: losing weight or whatever), because then we aren't beating ourselves up over it.
ReplyDeleteI think we all have trouble with different parts were not perfect and should just except ourselves and enjoy life. Unless you have a gazillion bucks and can afford untold amounts of surgery. Then theres no guarantee.
ReplyDeleteI'm have enjoyed your blog and wont stop, I have come from Blogelinas 100 comment hop, I have added your blog to share and now continue to hop!! Now that we met come follow me...... on my..... GFC....Oh! My Heartsie
@Oh! My Heartsie
Karren
What a great message...and you would not believe how much I needed to read this tonight!!
ReplyDeleteI remember years and years of wishing/working for someone elses body, hair, clothes, etc.
ReplyDeleteI don't know when it changed for me but at some point I stopped fretting about things I'd never achieve and just accepted myself. Now I strive to be as healthy as I can and not fit into someone elses idea of perfection.
I like your reference to the patchwork guilt! I used to be bothered by my nose when I was a teenager. But I got over it! Not really important or worth the time worrying about it. Best wishes to you.
ReplyDeleteThat's a different way of going about things, it's nice and how more people should think, I'm not sure what I would consider as my fabulous flaw, I would have to ask others what they think it is, I guess it would be different for different people.
ReplyDeleteBody image is something I struggle with. This is a great post about loving yourself even with your flaws. Thanks for the great post and reminder. Shelly at frugal family home
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post. It is important to like yourself and be confident in who you are. For me, I am EXTRA curvy, pregnant and not feeling like a beauty queen, but I have a 15 year old sister who lives with me and I put on a good show:) I do love myself, I just need to tighten up a bit after baby comes:)
ReplyDeleteIt is so important and challenging to accept yourself completely. It's a journey I continue struggling with everyday!
ReplyDeleteI love this post. It really made me sit back and think about my flaws. I guess it is all about your attitude and perspective. Thanks for the inspiration today.
ReplyDeleteI love this attitude you have going on! Just last night I got to go to a dinner with a speaker. I can't remember the speakers name, but she talked about loving who we are. Instead of criticizing ourselves, putting ourselves down for not "being perfect", we should embrace the little things in our life that make us who we are. Lovely post!
ReplyDeleteGreat post. I love the idea of looking at ourselves in a different light. I have scar tissue on my bum that I can't do anything about, it's a great big lump. This gives me inspiration to embrace and accept it rather then feeling maimed.
ReplyDeleteWonderful post! I would like to loose my baby pooch, since the baby is almost 2!
ReplyDeleteI love that line about a patchwork quilt. Thanks for such an inspiring post!
ReplyDeleteWow, this was a good post but also a really hard one to process. I have many flaws that I want to disappear but embrace...that's a whole other level I'm not sure I'm ready for. I hate how I look in terms of beauty, weight, facial hair and all these things were things I was ridiculed for all my life until close to adulthood. So they feel hard to just embrace. I know I should and need to if I want my daughter to feel confident about how she looks and that she's loved despite what others say! Thank you for a great post and sharing, I am/will work on embracing those flaws I despise!
ReplyDeleteThis was a fab post! I love that you even shared your own "flaws". The part I struggle most with my "love handles" Lol.
ReplyDeleteCongrats to you for working on these things. It is very hard. Some days I'll convince myself that my love handles are fine and other days I HATE them. Lol. :)
I really enjoyed reading and actually spent the last 30 minutes just going back and reading it a couple more times :) You kitty cat is so adorable! I love his/her little white spots around the mouth. :)
Warm wishes,
Kendra