Recalculating

Okay, I have no GPS system but I've heard enough comedians and public speakers discuss them that I would like to adopt a phrase, actually a word: RECALCULATING. I hear that GPS systems use this word when you pass a turn on a planned route. Well, this past weekend I took a slight, unplanned detour. I had a little "girls weekend" and attended Women of Faith. It made it difficult to eat right, exercise, and drink all my water. I did get a good deal of walking in....drank water ONLY whenever I did drink (okay, I did have Starbucks, but it was decaf)....and I could have gone more crazy with the food than I did. But that is only a weekend on this long journey, so I am just recalculating. This week, I am focusing on getting those little changes back in again....making them more solid....before I add any more!! I can tell you this. I did weigh myself this morning and to my delight and to the glory of God, I have lost 1.5 pounds. I am not obsessing about this weight, focusing on God and trying to incorporate healthiness into my lifestyle in a balanced way. I have NO INTENTION of being a health fanatic, nor do I want to continue to be a glutton. I want to find a medium ground where I am healthy and balanced. So....I am back at drinking a ton of water (this really keeps hunger at bay), exercising moderately three times a week, and eating a good breakfast (that is high in nutrition, not too high in calories). To keep from binge-ing the rest of the day, I am trying to stay close to God throughout the day, starting with the ever important morning quiet time. I am also trying to read more when I feel that restless feeling that leads me to the kitchen so many times. Finally, I am trying to learn from God and my body what purpose these extra 30 or so pounds have. The weight is there for a reason....a layer of protection or fear or something. While there, God has something to teach me. It could be that He wants me to learn my value is far more than my body. Maybe He wants me to learn about my heart or my mind. I don't know, but He can work together for my good....including my extra weight while it is here. I don't want to miss the valuable lessons He can teach by being obsessed with food or my appearance.

Blessings to you all. Click on the Living Well icon in this post for more inspiration and ideas!

Women of Faith 2008

I had the glorious opportunity to attend both the Preconference and Conference for Women of Faith this past weekend. This would be my second time to the conference and first time for the preconference. WOW!! I think the best part (if I had to pick) this year was the music. Nicole C. Mullen has incredible energy, great story telling choreography (including half a dozen or so kids), and just Rocks (with a capital R). I think her most known song would be I Know My Redeemer Lives, and she did not disappoint....she sang it in both English and Spanish and American Sign. If I wasn't in the "Angel Section" (aka nosebleed section) and highly afraid of heights, I would have been dancing. But it appears that my fears kept me quite still, but I was dancing in Spirit. And I do have the CD for dancing at home....close to the ground! In addition to Nicole C, we were blessed by the beautiful sound of Natalie Grant. She is also very talented. She can SING!! At one point, she sang an encore song acapella, and I got chill bumps and was moved to tears! NEVER underestimate the power of music on your emotions and soul!!!! Natalie has a fairly recent song out that is just so touching, and I recommend you visit here and listen.

Of course the speakers were great as well. Laughing and crying and being moved and worshiping and learning and growing.....and shopping and socializing. This is a great organization that is truly a gift to us women. If you are a believer....look for this tour to come to a city near you. You will leave blessed (ahem, and broke)!!

Back to School Blues

Thirteen years ago, when I went through the pain of childbirth, no one could have EVER prepared me for the labor and delivery process. People tried! I got a bazillion horror stories that scared me, but I was already preggers and therefore committed to the birthing process. I endured and signed up to do it again just a couple years later. However, the labor and deliver process, as painful as it might be, is a piece of cake when it comes to parenting! Something else NO ONE could ever prepare me for. From time to time on this road of motherhood, I am faced with a moment of anguish. When your baby cries and you can't console him....when your baby gets an immunization and then looks at you as if you hurt him on purpose....when your baby gets sick....when your baby gets a boo-boo...when your baby turns around the corner of Wal-Mart and you "lost" him just for 5 seconds. I am not exactly sure what happens physically to a mama, but I have felt it. My heart stops.....or sinks....or almost bursts. I don't know what it is, but it is agonizing, if only for a moment.

I wish I could say that as the hatchlings get older, it gets better....or easier. It gets more complicated! When their feelings get hurt by their friends....or worse, by me!! That is just hard to see them go through! And when I can't suck the words back in that hurt them so....my heart stops....or sinks....or bursts again. And there is no salve, no aspirin, no band-aid that you can put on those hurt feelings. You cannot turn the corner and grab that kiddo by the hand and find relief. You can hold thier hand, but you can't speed the healing....their little bodies and minds have to heal on their own.

This morning was a morning I hate! The first day of school. School is such a hard thing to send your kids to. Do these teachers have any idea what I am entrusting to them? And now my kids are older. My daughter is in the 6th grade, my son in the 8th. The friends situations get REALLY complicated because some of 'em them kids are just l'il turkeys. And they have to remember the combination to their lockers now and which class is next and they have to read more and learn more complex things. My brain hurts trying to do all the worrying for them. And I am scared! Scared that the world they live in is way worse than the world I grew up in. And I see my children walking off, almost as if they are in a war....ALL ALONE! And it comes to me that they are! This world is full of lies and ungodly messages....do you hear me? FULL of them. Their little minds are bombarded with nothing less than evil, intermixed with math problems and grammar lessons, intermixed with social status and eating lunch. And I cannot be with them to fight off the evil. I send them into battle to keep their individuality, thier love for Jesus, and their purity. I hope the yuck doesn't stick to their hearts. And the only weapon I have is prayer. If you are a Believer, then you'll agree this is no small weapon. When I call on Jesus, I tap into a power that is miraculous and awesome and ultimate! He has ALREADY beat the forces of evil. And He loves my children MORE than I do and He has their best interest, their growth and development, their eternity in mind. So, I bow my knees, gulp, close my eyes, and sigh....begging my all powerful Creator to remind me that He will never leave them nor forsake them, as He has promised. And I bite my lip, trying not to cry, as I watch my children go. And quietly ask God to forgive me for not trusting in him fully and pardon me for repeating myself over and over as I struggle to give my children to Him. And He pulls me into His arms and says, "My child, I've got it covered--always have--always will!"

So, my blogging friends, say a little prayer for me as God teaches me each day to keep letting go and keep trusting him. My heart hurts each year as they get older and more independent. I wrote a similar post last year. I don't know if it truly is school that is so hard, or if it is just a great big marker in the road, reminding me that my babies are growing up!

PACE-ing Myself!

What a week! I am doing much better than last week. Thank you all so much for your thoughts, prayers, and cyber hugs! It meant so much to me. I feel like I had a pretty good week health-wise. I have been going to God more, especially in times I would normally eat (out of boredom, loneliness, etcetera). You all know that weight loss begins on your knees, right? i think God likes us when we are broken....last week, I was broken. When we are broken we get out of His way, you know? I've been doing some reading, too, when I would normally eat. Some of my First Place literature, but I also have these two day books by Beth Moore, with devotional thoughts for the day. This is all helping me keep a balance in my life.

I have been adding a healthy habit each week. Last week, I started drinking a ton of water. I start with 64 ounces, but very often, I have even more. This also helps with the eating...drinking water keeps my mouth busy and I've noticed I feel full longer because of the water in my gut. This week, I am adding exercise. My husband started a new job on August 1st, and they had a special corporate account set up with a local gym. We enrolled, and I've been taking advantage of it. You get a free session with a personal trainer, where I learned that I have lots of room for improvement. But I started taking these "P.A.C.E." classes. It is a Curves class on steroids!! You do step aerobics for one minute, then you do a strength machine for a minute, and you work around in a circle. I just tried it out on Saturday, and I'm hooked. I've gone three times and it is getting better. It isn't easy, but I feel very good about myself when I am done. I think the class is good because it sets the time for me and it pushes me when I don't push myself very easily. I am excited to see my body adapt. My personal trainer said start easy to make the "lifestyle change." She said we should shoot for 30 minutes of cardio just 3 times a week and strength training twice a week. Since the PACE class combines cardio AND strength....I go just twice a week and add 30 minutes of treadmill, swimming, or walking around the neighborhood. Sounds easy and do-able. I am hoping this habit really sticks.

Finally, I think this is the best news EVER!!! I did NOT weigh myself this morning. Why? Because I forgot. I have been trying to cut back to weighing myself once a week, the morning I plan to blog about my Living Well attempts. And this morning....I just plumb forgot! I think that is pretty cool! So, I have no idea how these changes have affected the scale. What is important is how I feel about my healthy changes....and I am feeling like I'm making good choices with God's help.

For more ideas and inspiration from others trying to live well, click on the icon at the beginning of this post. Be good to yourself and hang close to your God!

Three Quick Updates

• The first thing I would like to share is that if I can love this kitten (pictured above) this much...if I live to be quite old and alone, I WILL be a cat woman with 14 cats! I seriously did not know how much I could love this little guy. Sounds kinda weird, I know, but maybe it is something about my human babies growing older and some kind of baby fever kicking in.

• I started Twittering....just got started....still figuring it out! My Twitter info is in my sidebar now, so you can see what I am doing. Hopefully, I will get better at both updating Twitter, as well as updating this blog. I am approaching blog post #200 and trying to think of a way to celebrate....I welcome ideas from you all!

• This is the last week before my kiddos go off to school. They will be in the 8th and 6th grades. WOW!!! I remember when my son was 4 weeks old and my mom said, "before you know it, he'll be 4 months, then 4 years, then 14 years." Well, my baby will turn 14 in March. Who knew how RIGHT my mama would be!? Of course, mothers are usually right, right? It will be a crazy, whirlwind of a week....working for only 3 days, then heading to Women of Faith conference, while the kiddos catch some last summer fun with their cousins!

I Just Almost Gave Up

It is not pretty!! I have been focused for 3 weeks now and have gained weight. Officially, I have gained 2 1/2 pounds. Yesterday, I just knew I would have had some success but no. I even weighed myself again this morning to confirm. And confirm I did...TWO and A HALF pounds. Yesterday morning, I broke down. I cried....I screamed at my husband....I wanted to turn tables upside down and make a huge, destructive mess....I wanted to delete my entire blog. You can blame it on hormones if you want....why not? More than hormones, I think those feelings are both my personality and somewhat justified. I mean, I have worked at this weight loss thing for almost a year and overall, I have inched UP!! Screaming at my husband is well, disrespectful....but he cannot possibly understand!!! All he has to do is cut out Dr. Peppers for a week and he'll lose 5 pounds. But it wasn't nice of me to scream at him. I was even mad at God. I have included Him in this process. I have diligently prayed about this and the results are simply not there. I rebelled and said NO to my quiet time yesterday morning because of my anger towards Him. I just sat in the dark and cried, fighting my urge to dramatically push all papers and books off of my "prayer table" (the formal dining room table where I do my quiet times--named "prayer table" by my daughter). Somehow, I did not eat. That is a miracle...because I am prone to binge when upset or alone. In fact, for the rest of the day, I had a good eating day. And despite my defiance of not "showing up" for God for that quiet time, He sent me a word through a song. The song is "Singing Over Me" by Building 429 which is Scriptural....in a not to often visited book of the Bible, Zephaniah!!

Zephaniah 3:17 says, "The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." So, in my screaming and in the LOUD NOISE going on inside of me....He quieted me. And He reminded me that he sings over me. This Scripture talks about Him rejoicing over me singing....but through the song, He gave me a vision of a mother holding her baby, quieting that baby with song...calming that baby down. Do you have that picture now? If you are a mom, you know you've done it. I was a screaming, crying, upset little baby. And my Almighty Father picked me up, rocked me, quieted me, and sang over me.

I cannot imagine God wanting me to be 30 some pounds overweight. But He is obviously wanting me to learn something that I am not learning. Maybe I am not giving up enough control in some way. Maybe He is anxious to melt the fat/weight off of me and if I continue with my efforts....well then I will tend to think I did it and not give Him the credit. Whatever it is, I am quiet now....listening to Him. I think He has been leading me to First Place. A couple month's ago, I attempted to find a location....couldn't....and I gave up. I am not familiar with this program, but I feel the need to be obedient to His leading, so yesterday I used some of my birthday money and purchased a Member's Kit. Glancing over it, I think it is somewhat like Weight Watchers but it has a big difference....putting God first. So, maybe that is the lesson I have not yet learned....PUTTING GOD FIRST. Sure, I have a quiet time most days....I try to be in conversation with Him....but I confess that He is not always first in my life. And He wants me to learn this....so I am trying to be a good student. I will let you know how this progresses.

In the meantime, He reminded me of a focus for the week. A couple weeks ago, I started writing everything I ate down. Last week, I focused on breakfast. This week, I add drinking water. A while back, I posted about this. And when I originally lost weight, I drank 64 ounces a water a day RELIGIOUSLY. In the last year, my attempts to drink lots of water have not been consistent. I pulled out the mug pictured in that post and drank it yesterday....then I drove through Sonic and ordered large water (another 32 ounces, my friend). Sometimes I add some crystallized lemon or lime, which I did to my Sonic water, to give it an extra boost of flavor. Having only started this focus yesterday, I don't have much to report on its effectiveness. However, it is healthy, as most of us agree. Sure, I still want to lose weight. But, I am struggling at the way I frame that. I want to be healthy and more than anything, I want to be obedient to my God. I want to be open to His leading and His teaching. I still can't wrap my brain around Him wanting me to be overweight (technically obese by the standards). I don't believe this is His wish for me. But He may be willing for me to remain overweight until I get it. I just hope I am not as stubborn as the Israelites.

If you didn't pick up on my hint in the post about birthday money....I do have a birthday....TODAY, in fact. I have never really been coy about this. Anyone who knows me or spends much time with me usually picks up on the fact that I don't just "hope" you'll remember my birthday....I remind you regularly. So, I am really thankful that God picked up this baby and rocked her and quieted her before her birthday :-) I'm 36 years old today, this lucky 13th day of August.

And please visit other folks trying to live well in these bodies God gave us. Just click on the icon at the beginning of this post!

The Most Important Meal of the Day

As I told you all last week, I am working on one new habit a week. This week, my focus is on breakfast. I want a healthy, reasonably low cal breakfast that "sticks to my ribs." Since Sunday, I have been having Egg Beaters--Southwestern (very yummy) and some whole grain waffles with sugar free syrup. This is a very satisfying breakfast. This morning, I made a syrup out of fruit (I boiled a cup of frozen berries with a fourth of a cup of water for 10 minutes or so till the fruit was mushy and the sauce was the right consistency). This was good but I skipped the Egg Beaters because of the time it took to make the fruit syrup. And the syrup is not too sweet...which can be good for some but next time, I am putting in a couple of drops of my liquid stevia.

Please share with me any ideas you have for a good healthy breakfast that doesn't blow your whole day's worth of calories/points.

I'll update you on weight loss if I have any. I am trying not to focus on the scale but on how I feel about how I am doing with food/health. It is hard not to step on the scale every single day, but I can't obsess. I did step on it this morning and was up half a pound. I am just going to keep pressing forward with the baby steps. I am human! I want big changes and fast. But small changes over time will add up. That half a pound could be explained away any number of ways! It could be different even now. But we won't know until next week!

To hear more from others who are trying to live well, click on the icon at the beginning of the post!

side note: when I made the link for egg beaters, I found some breakfast recipes on their site that I might just try out....if you are interested, you should check it out as well.

Were You There?

This past weekend, I attended The Beth Moore Simulcast. I was able to attend here in Longview, where I live. Anyone else attend where you are? There was something like 716 locations watching--in 49 states and several other countries. She was live and in person in Louisville (pronounced Loo-a-vul, we learned). I was blessed and learned so much. Beth, and I hope I can call her Beth, is so gifted by Almighty with a way to speak to women (and I guess some men). And she goes all over that Bible...but she went DEEP in the parable of the sower. The Bible is such an awesome book to study, and with a few folks that God has sprinkled into our lives, He can bless us with His Word until we take our last breath.

Although I have heard about Beth before, I didn't even read her work (let alone delve into one of her studies) until this past Spring. She presents the Bible is such a way that I leave hungry for more. I wish I could share everything with you. It just has to bubble out over time. But I do have one thought for you: Does Satan have some dirt on you? When the Holy Spirit pours over you, He turns that dirt into soil. Now, put your hand over your heart and let that sink in for a moment.